my b boy


nothing has changed honestly except for the fact that i'm 15!! now!!fuck. that sucks ass. i guess

i'm reading my old lj posts.......i feel embarrassed. also it appears to me that i've been saddened for longer than i thought??do i even care or worry anymore though???????
stupid filler nonsense - er - what's gotten into me??

who knows. wanted to post a poem but eh. idea is there but inspiration is not. it's about feeling so old and feeling so young but not feeling the age you are. i don't think i can do it. i can start though.
hahahaha who am i kidding. gotta finish this bomb ass game bye

p.s. if anyone is reading this, keep hydrated and go back to studying that comps. love youuuu

edit: holy fuckign shit look @ my h ot ass icon holy shit up my ass daddy
  • Current Music
    nelly furtado - say it right

weird ass dreams

i've been on spring break this past week and i've been catching up on some well needed sleep. unfortunately my sleeping patterns/habits have always been fucked up― today i slept for for fifteen hours. i don't feel very comfortable telling my friends my dreams but i figured this is the best way i can post them. enough with the balderdash.

dream 1

a couple of weeks ago, lorde (don't judge― her "royals" song isn't that good but her other shit is) was in oakland at the fox theater. now this is true, look it up. she was there for two days and i still didn't get to see her since tickets sold out. also cause my parents don't drive me places. anyway, so the dream was that i was waiting outside (first in line as usual) with my friend hensen who also likes lorde. instead of playing for two days, she was scheduled to play two shows in one night. at the last minute, they had to cancel both of them cause of technical difficulties. most people just left of course, since she would have a makeup concert fortunately. we both stayed just a little longer cause why not, we were going to both shows and didn't have a way we could get back home afterward. security/staff came to see us, since we were just...there. we both know the staff pretty well, so they let us go onto the floor/stage to possibly meet her.

at that point, the best person in the whole fucking world (jordy) was there for some reason and i was like dude what the fuck are you doing here why didn't you tell me you'd be around here and she had no clue why she was there in the first place. then, a couple of fans including hensen and i saw ella, or as most people know, lorde. she was really friendly and amiable and not as eccentric as most people misinterpret her as. she signed our stuff and got us all backstage passes when we came back for the makeup show(s) and so the fans left and stuff but i had no where to go until pretty much the next morning so she was like “you seem nice enough stay in the hotel with me if security lets you until tomorrow” and yeah i got to enjoy a big ass hotel for a night which was awesome. it's literally so unrealistic but who the fuck cares.

anyway, the dream i just had a few hours ago is far more amusing. patrick stump is in it too.

dream 2

i was babysitting this one girl. she was like four, aka the worst age a kid can be. even though in my eyes everyone 1-15 needs to get the fuck away from me. nonetheless i was doing it for the money of course. it started out normal, the town was a little grey. gray, grey, whatever, kinda like where i live now. the playground was fun enough.

after that was over with, her mom picked her up and needed to go to safeway and asked me if i needed to go too. i was like sure okay i could use some coffee and shit. when we were inside, literally everything was the same as the store that i go to. it was weird as fuck. the people looked bored, stoical, kinda like usual.

her daughter was running around the store and her mom was frustrated with her. she asked me if i could go find her so i looked around and couldn't find her. her mom wasn't too concerned and moved onto the next aisle.

she was looking high on the shelf at some gluten free pseudo healthy flour. she noticed it looked weird, it had splotches of red inside and outside the packaging. she pushed that one aside and tried to get one without the red stuff―no luck. i looked around for maybe a different one until i noticed that all of the packages had that red on them. blood. more and more on each one, on everything. i looked at one of the empty shelves and saw chopped off ponytails and girl clothing. the same as what the girl i was babysitting had.

i started to freak out. i was about to scream until i felt someone touching my back, the girls mom. her eyes had turned, she looked like something between a zombie and a vampire. twilight and warm bodies, except for the lack of love story at the end. i looked around the other people, they had the same dullness to them. their eyes glinted to a red, and some slowly or viciously started towards me.

by that time, i was running. looks like i wasn't alone, a few people were running too, grabbing each others hands and trying to find the best safety spot. we couldn't go out, they were coming in that way too. i ran past the bakery, the only sane people joined us and we created a mob of scared humans. that's when patrick was there, he was with a line of friends who looked at him strangely, eyes turning as he joined us and started running to the basement where a metal door protected us. while i was running i was wondering why he was there, but i was glad he wasn't one of whatever those creature things were.

unfortunately the dream was pretty much cut there. more like a nightmare, but hey, p stump was there. that dream kinda fucked me up though. i'm about to start walking around with a knife and some garlic.

oh and update: it's almost been a year since i joined (since that bowling ball fic— eh) and i'm currently working on a 25k+ word fanfic. ryden of course. and a highly requested ryden rec list. i've written and completed three fanfics already but i'm technologically impaired when it comes to formatting. but i will get to everything eventually even if it takes

  • Current Music
    snitches and talkers get stitches and walkers - fall out boy
my b boy

Almost Ten in a Day

Summary: Ryan has been rumored with: a rubber duck fetish, coke, and everlasting feelings for Brendon. Brendon and Ryan's “friends” are trying to help him. this is part one.

Disclaimer: not real, they're not mine blah blah. please don't take offense to any of this, it was created off of a conversation about ryan ross's possible duck fetish. alright that's it ily- crystal


“Got the rubber ducks ready?”

“Yep,” the brown haired girl reassured as she broke into the ADT system of the old, cultured house.


It's kind of funny, really, how they both ended up there. They and a few friends from the Internet somehow ended up somewhere in California. They had jokingly pre-planned this “conquest” in Echo Park, but here they are, breaking into this king has-been's house.

It's even funnier why they're taking him. His name is Ryan Ross, and fans have been upset since the last time he's released an album has been…three years ago, if I could keep track. Instead of producing that solo album, his fans pretty much assume that he's spending his whole day with his cat and smoking pot. That's probably the best way to live, honestly.

This is a pretty plausible assumption so the girls brought along some pot, coke, and everything else needed for a kidnapping.

Back to the point: they're taking him because they were considering bringing him into rehab or forcing music out of him.

It was a better idea to make sure he could produce a record more sober, so thy decided on rehab.

Also, it is not like a couple of teenage girls can do it by themselves. They needed some help from an old friend in Santa Monica.


“May I hel―”

“Whoa! Y―yes hello um, we, or your old friend here needs your help. I―I hope you remember him though.”

The dark haired man raised his eyebrow. “Go on. Look, I don't know who you are but who are you talking about?”

“Oh! Sorry for not introducing ourselves. For now, just call me, um, N., and she's L.,” L. took one of Brendon's hands in hers. “Your old friend Ryan isn't doing so well from what we can see.”

The memories with Ryan. The years spent as friends, musicians, and lovers, together. He suddenly remembered when he was a small teenager, meeting a kid slightly taller and older than him wearing eyeliner and a determined smile on his face, as he told about how he could get in contact with Pete Wentz to possibly get signed.

Flash forward, they finished a show to be put onto a DVD, where he wiped the makeup off of Ryan's face and kissed him backstage, when no one was looking.

Flash forward again, they were pretty upset at each other for losing and opposing almost every song they created in their cabin: the lyrics were all wrong and added to the fireplace, heated discussions about who would sing what. It ended up in a loud fight which turned into loud moans in the blink of an eye.

Flash, a sad look on his face. It was back in Africa when he told him he was leaving the band. He remembers the small fort created of tissues he used during just the first week of the split.

After the unsuccess of Ryan's new band, it hit Brendon hard when he heard that he wasn't doing so well. He had heard that his former lover was caught in a picture with drugs, even though he didn't believe those rumors. Sure, their second (technically third) album was produced without an ounce of sobriety, so he knows about some of it. He just didn't think he'd ever get caught.

“Alright,” he responded quietly, looking off into the distance. “You know, if it's true, this is serious and you guys better not be joking about it.”

“We're not, a couple of our friends are actually at his house right now.”

“Oh.” He had a lot of questions, like how the fuck they found his or Ryan's house, and how they know about the drugs. They didn't seem like they'd cause any harm though; maybe they really are Ryan's friends.Thinking about seeing his ex-band mate, Brendon cracked a small smile.“Alright,” he sighed, “I'm down to help. Who's driving?”


“Oh man,” the brown haired girl, Jewels, had sighed and rolled her eyes. “The alarm wasn't even on, you dumb fuck. We could have just picked the lock!”

“Shut the fuck up, he can probably hear us.”

She nodded and checked her phone. “the bird is in the cage”. Putting her phone away, she slowly opened the door and looked around. His house was simple, clean enough, still a bit eccentric.

The plan was to line up some of the squeaky rubber ducks and lead them to white lines and the pot. Once he'd reach that, the two girls would then capture him with the sheet they'd use to wrap everything up. They put on their black masks and walked in.

No sign of him yet. The coast was clear. However, there was the sound of running water coming from upstairs.

“Change of plans, we should just kidnap him once he walks out of the bathroom,” Jewels had suggested.

“Hell no. We can't stall enough and he might escape once we get him outside.” Jade, the other girl who planned it out online with Jewels, started walking around.

It was a pretty nice place. There wasn't too much decoration. Just some guitars and papers and solo cups laying around, but definitely not that messy. His cat was watching them on the couch. He seemed to be unamused.

Jade took out five of the rubber ducks and put one at the top of the stairs, another in the middle, and another on the foot. The other two were lined on the tile towards the window.

Jewels took the other two out of the bag and pointed them towards the windowsill where she arranged a few lines and put a joint on.

She took out her phone and texted Lexi “all set. he's showering right now but i think hes gonna get out soon". The taps turned off and they heard the bathroom door unlock.



Bowlingz 4 Bitches

Author's note: Complete joke of a fanfic. Inspired by Brendon's Instagram post.

Rating:PG-13 (sex with inanimate objects)

It was Brendon's 26th birthday today. He celebrated it by going bowling with his best pal Spencer, Spencer's girlfriend, and his lovely fiancée.

“Hey Spencer, I got balls!” the birthday boy squealed. Even though he's twenty six now, he would act half of his age sometimes. Spencer walked over to his bandmate and took one of the off-white balls from him.
“That's not fair.”
“Stop bein' such a little kid.”
Spencer playfully mussed Brendon's hair and gave the ball a kiss.
“Pretend that that kiss was for you,”
It may have seemed weird to him, but Spencer enjoyed how smooth the ball was and how the outside was warm from him holding it for a while.
“It's your turn. What are you—”
Shit. Urie was watching him deeply kiss it's surface. Was Spencer trying to tell him something?
When the girls, slightly tipsy off of wine, were chatting to each other, Spencer leaned in to tell Brendon something.
“Dude…umm…this is weird and I know you were watching. But you should try it. Feel how smooth and warm the ball is.”

He looked at him questioningly and was hesitant to do as he was told. Even though Brendon has experimented with a couple of balls back in the day, this was quite strange. Putting the bowling ball up to his full lips, he gave it a few pecks before he realized how divine it was. Spencer was right. He opened his eyes again and saw the bulge coming through his friend's dark pants.
“I—I'm going to the bathroom. I'll be right back everyone,”
The girls just said okay and Brendon attached his lips back to the ball. Oh fuck, it was starting to turn him on as well.
“Hold up, Spence, I'm coming with you,” (how punny.)

As soon as they both got into stalls next to each other, they slid their jeans off along with their boxers. Brendon was already leaking when he came up with a good idea. Instead of fucking his hand, he spit into the ball gleaming in the artificial light and rubbed it against one of the holes. Spencer has the exact same idea. The shallow holes were just enough for them. They were extremely tight too. Tighter than anal.
"Ah…fuck…" Spencer moaned, surprisingly making Brendon harder. He couldn't possibly know why that turned him on. They came within a few sharp thrusts at the same time while emptying out into all the three holes. It took Spencer a while to get out of the stall to wash up. Brendon didn't even bother and rushed to get his clothes on and to put the ball back. Sarah was waiting outside of the mens' room so that she could take a picture of him and Spencer. He eventually came out.

“You guys look tired. How about we go home after this?”
Brendon nodded as Sarah took out her phone.
“Say cheese you guys!” Linda gave Spencer a grin and he pretended to lick the ball while looking at her. The birthday boy did the same while looking at Sarah's phone camera.

“No one will ever find out.”
“Yeah, they'll never have a clue of what we just did.” They both chucked and put the uncleaned bowling balls back. It's going to be quite a surprise for whoever uses those balls next.

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